Thursday, May 23, 2013

Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy,

Perhaps, I need some rest. It's already past my bedtime and I'm here overthinking my test. Yes, that know, the test with five questions with various subtopics that should have analyzed whether or not I learned the material or not. But to be honest Father, I am so upset. I'm upset that there were things that I could have done better. There was something I could have done to show my competency. But I doubted myself. How come I don't believe in my abilities. I admit, I believe in your abilities more than mine. I believe that you can push for me, but me - I don't even even let that happen. Professor L said, "You need to believe more in yourself...just trust yourself. I'm giving you a second chance." Father, I can't mess this up. And this whole time, I doubted myself. I doubted myself so much that I would sit and put tiny writing in my paper. I would overanalyze instead of thinking for myself. How could I? And here I thought I was doing what was right. I'm wrong - yes I know it. Father, forgive me. I need you. I'm lost without you. I'm so sad without you. I need you so much more than I can ever understand. My heart and soul cannot be involved with THIS place anymore. No longer should I be rooted in my performance. I just need you. I'm tired of this life that says, "Do this do that. Obtain this degree obtain that degree." Daddy, release me from people pleasing. Release me from wanting to outperform anyone or anything. Just grant me peace. I know I'm dead wrong...I'm just in need of a savior. Because trust me, I need some saving.

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