Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Graduate School Woes

My feet, my head, my skin are in some sort of tingling feelings right now. My commute from my friend's house to school is an hour and a half.

I don't have to pay for rent...all I have to do is clean up after myself and pay for my food.

Warning: I will probably hash out some details in my life in a nagging way. Okay, maybe not.

I wonder, Lord, this is not undergrad. However, this is graduate school and what is challenging me is time management. I just pray that you help me in this area. I wake up early now (6AM) and leave for class at 7AM. I come back to the house around 1PM to cook and nap (2 hours) and finally make it to the lab around 4:30. All I want to do is crash.

I worry about gaining wait because all the food in the physics lab room is nothing but trash. I eat a ton of fruits and veggies, walk around almost everywhere, and really just exhaust the heck out of myself.

I need peace daddy...peace...just peace.

Tranquility. I wonder, is THIS the right way to go father? Seriously...I know its hard but will it bring you glory and is it worth it?


Saturday, August 25, 2012

Words of Affirmation: Inner and Outer Beauty

Normally, I don't indulge in Oprah Winfrey's show because I don't have the time for it. But I decided to divulge in one of her "Life Classes" with T.D. Jakes as a guest speaker. I also decided to watch another video with guest speaker Cheryl Richardson.  Now this woman is something else.  She is all about words of affirmation which is amazing.  But for me, I like to align this with the Word of God. Then something came to my remembrance. My beautiful cousin Fran told my prayer group to write words of affirmation to help us in areas that we need to build. So I wrote one for Inner and Outer Beauty. Here goes:

Father, Your word says that, "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30)" I know Daddy that I am altogether beautiful, and there is no flaw in me (Song of Sol. 4:7).

You have said,"Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love not be afraid, for I am with you. (Isaiah 43:4,5)" For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mothers' womb (Psalm 139:13). I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are you works; my soul knows it very well (Psalm 139:14).

Yet, I know that you do not look at my appearance or height of stature but you God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but you Daddy look at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7).

Unrelated: My cousin Daph got married last weekend and of course I caught the bouquet. It was so cute. Even though I caught the bouquet, I have a ton of stuff to do to become the prayerful wife God has created me to be.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Endow me, with talent

God has gifted each individual with their own talent(s).  Sometimes its hard to believe, because for me, its hard to see the obvious talent within me. I sometimes observe others at their highest in their talent and my insides quiver, wondering, whats my talent? Other times, I watch people at their normal, and they still seem magnificent.  They tend to grace their talent with such ease.  That talent for them can sometimes be challenging for me.

Olympic athletes do not become "olympic" athletes over night.  A lot of it is from sheer practice and determination.  Yet, they have this "spark" that needs cultivating to create them into the world class athlete that they are today.  I ponder and pray to the Lord, "what is my talent or ease-ability?" 

I don't get a response.

Or maybe I'm not listening hard enough.  Or paying attention to the things I love, but merely paying attention to the things that will produce an easy living or just the "acceptable" thing to do based off of my major in college and what people think should be my occupation or heart.  

In the shower this morning, I kept thinking, all I want is the Lord to strengthen me to live in this day and do what I have to do at work. I'm not miserable but extremely challenged here.  This is what I wanted right? It's not to say that I loathe my job, but quite the contrary.  I love my job but its the mental hurdle that is frustrating and makes me question: is this your will for my life Lord? As the question daunts closer and closer to the 17th, I keep asking God, "okay now or never!" Because the job or graduate program I choose will essentially (well maybe it won't) maneuver my life choices.  These choices I make now are crucial! Time is hard to get back.  Yes, God can grace us back the time we lost, but who wants to live in mistakes? 

I've gone through mistakes that lead to painful memories and mental scars that only Christ can heal.  But, what if I want to avoid that ALL together and live in His fulness? 

All I want to do is please Christ. All I want to do is live this life to the fullest for Him, no one else.